Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Good, the Bad and the Downright Ugly

We all know that pregnancy is quite a beautiful thing.  I mean I have a little human being growing inside of me right now and how can that not be beautiful?  Soon this little baby that up till now I've been the only one to really know will enter this world.  That in itself is a miracle.

However, in reality pregnancy just isn't as beautiful as it sounds.  It's really not and I would be lying if I said otherwise.  Yes, it is a necessary evil in order to get my baby and one that I think I have been more than willing to endure, but it just ain't pretty.

First there is the nauseous that has plagued me for all 10 months.  That's right...10 months of feeling like I'm going to throw up, which 7 times out of 10 actually does find me visiting the proclein throne.  Not a very attractive feeling.

Then there are the horrific leg cramps that overtake me at night, as well as the most awful heartburn.  I've tried everything, from changing my diet, to eating little meals, but nothing prevents the heartburn from appearing in the midst of my sleep.  Instead, I now wake up on a nightly basis to this burning sensation and nasty taste in my mouth.  I pop two Tums and drink a glassful of water only to repeat the process in another two or three hours.  I don't know how people are able to live with heartburn - it's just plain hell.

If the leg cramps or heartburn don't get me up, then having to pee does.  I can easily pee 6 or 7 times a night, which is quite irritating especially in the cold winter.  Thankfully I have the route to the bathroom memorized from a semi sleep state and can manage to get there with only barely waking up.

According to Mark I am now a lumberjack who cuts down several dozen trees a night with my loud snoring.  Not exactly something that makes me feel gorgeous.  I've also begun drooling while I sleep, which is yucky to say the least.  I feel so bad for my husband.  It's like he is sleeping with a ogre or something.  I look pretty normal when I go to bed, but by the time I wake up, I've been a snoring, drooling, peeing, heartburn feeling creature with bad breath.  No wonder he no longer kisses me on the mouth when he gets home from work (its now on my forehead).  I wouldn't want to kiss him either.

And that is only the night time part.  I'm not even going to go into the expanding waist line, the stretch marks, the increased ear wax production and the stuffy nose that just won't leave. Plus the swelling of my hands and feet.  I swear they are like three times their original size.  I can't even wear my wedding ring anymore, which is really upsetting for me.  But, I'll stop there. I don't want to scare you all off.  I mean I do hope to still have friends once I morph back into a human again.

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