Friday, July 29, 2011

The Never Ending Sickness

I'm only going to make a few posts on this topic because I am really torn on it.  When you're not pregnant and trying to get pregnant, it is one of the most irritating things in the world to listen to people talk about being sick, or sore boobs, or peeing all the time, or any of pregnancy's other discomforts.  When you're trying to conceive, you would give anything in the world to be sicker than a dog if it meant that you were carrying a child.  I still have this belief and thus am trying really hard to not make a big deal out of being sick.  I am beyond thankful of this pregnancy and don't in any way want to give off the idea or perception that I am unhappy about it.

With that being said, being sick has been a huge part of my pregnancy.  Thus, I have decided to do a post on it because it has gotten to the point where the doctor is beginning to become concerned.

Since my sixth week of pregnancy I have been plagued by being sick for a large majority of the day.  I'm fine in the morning, but around 11 am or noon, the tides begin to change.  Nausea then takes over and I am beyond sick for the remainder of the day.  Most days I don't throw up although I feel that if I did, I would feel so much better.  Instead, I am just so nauseous and motion sick that walking causes me pain.  It is a trial to get through the work day.  As soon as I get home, I find myself lying down on the bed or couch and that is where I remain until bedtime.  Let's just say this has made doing school work a major problem.

Since I have been so sick, I rarely if ever eat.  I have lost around ten pounds.  The doctor put me on vitamin B6 to try and counteract the nauseous.  It does very little for me.  I have tried everything known to man to help with the nausea, but nothing works.  I've tried teas, ginger, peppermint, sea sickness bands, Saltines, small snacks, Prego Pops, fresh ginger, etc.  Mark is freaked out beyond words and is constantly trying to force food down my throat.  Although I appreciate his concern and love for me, it just makes it worse. 

The smells of almost all foods make me sick, especially meat.  I haven't had any real cravings, so nothing sounds yummy, except for juice.  I have developed a real love for juice and drink quite a bit of it everyday.  It is one of the only things I am able to get down that doesn't make me feel even worse.

In addition to the all day sickness, let me just say that my boobs are killing me.  I mean I literally cry some days because they are so sore and tender.  Plus they are already growing in size!  Already?!?  I thought they wouldn't start growing till the end of the pregnancy, but nope, I think I am already a cup size bigger.  I know many girls who would be escatic about that, but I am already extremely large breasted.  I don't want my boobs getting any bigger.  Mark is excited to see how big they will really get, but I am scared out of my mind.  God please don't let them get too much bigger.

Some days I am so sick that I spend the entire day in bed, rolled up in ball, crying my eyes out.  However, when this happens I feel so guilty and ungrateful for the gift I have been given.  This has been very hard for me to deal with as my emotions are so conflicted over expressing how awful I really feel and still keeping my gratitude for pregnancy, sickness and all.

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